I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
