i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
