Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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