Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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