I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
