I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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