i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
