She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So much rum. So many feels.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
