We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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