Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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