Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
