Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
