The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.