Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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