FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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