How drunk are you??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck