FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration