textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?