All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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