I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
