Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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