I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize