fuck your aforementioned shoe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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