If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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