Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
