i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
