What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Randomize
