keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
