whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
