***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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