Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
