What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
