it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
