i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My vagina just recognized that song.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
