I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
