I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions