I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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