you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
