I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
