Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
