i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
