Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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