So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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