Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
