Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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