I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
