u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize