I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
