Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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