He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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