yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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