"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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