fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
