State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
