Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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