My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
