My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
