I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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