we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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