i don't like sucking hair
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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