It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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