Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
