my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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