I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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