I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
