u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
