I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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