What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I CAN MOONWALK!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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