I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
