I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
