I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
