i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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