lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
