I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
