I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
