He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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