you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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