I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
