I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
